my felling now

Sigh Yesterday I lost control again and send a suck message to the little princess. This few days I keep thinking nonsense and moody, don’t know what myself want at all. I miss her everyday and moody every days. What wrong with me? Is true that my heart already broken but not gone still there with you Joee Lao. This passing few days I just fell like want to scream and make myself tired so that I can sleep but I didn’t do it. What can I do or what I need to do only can forget about you, Joee Lao? I have no idea at all. The word “LOVE” for every couple is sweet memory but it a nightmare for me. I am always awake and I always down because of you, and this few days I even want to cry in the mid night but I tell myself I need to be tough. I am asking myself again what wrong with you, like your friends said there a lot of flowers in the big big forest, she just one of it why can’t you chase for others? Sigh again I answer myself because I LOVE her, I was born to love her; so what can I do? No matter how many times she hurt me it ok for me, no matter how many times I fall down I still will stand up and chasing her. Actually I know I am not your prince but too long journey I go through and I fall deeply underwater searching for you, that why I am hard or don’t want to pull back myself. How useless I am my life without you suck, I keep skip class for no reason; even asking myself you won’t love me is really because of feeling or your second prince already appear in your life? There no direction for me to going on already. I didn’t plan to continue any step already just stop here sleep on the road and let the rain fall down on myself. I WANT TO SHOUT TO THE GOD HOW TO MAKE YOU LOVE ME? How? I think I am almost entering the mental hospital already. I really tired already need a bed to rest, I want go home to chat with mummy. What I need to do only can get your love? I am really missing you and I really love you, but you can’t understand or you won’t understand what I am felt. Joee Lao I want you know that once I am Chong Yin Tat LOVE you Joee Lao there won’t have other girls in my life. Only you I wait, only you I will LOVE.

Lonely

 

Dream paradise am I stupid? if not why I still moody because of her while in the forest still got a lot of pretty flowers I can pick? Damn today skip 3 class and 4 times already I think I will get love letter from 3 lecturers. Chong Yin Tat what happened to you? why you will die in the little princess hand? Why? even you know that is impossible for you to get back her love. Joee Lao I already out of my mind what can I do to LOVE you. whatever I do you have no feeling at all.Thank you Mr tommy for telling my blog is touching but I am not happy for that because whatever I do, whatever I fell, even I drop my tears for her, the little princess won't exist in this blog. I always ask myself Joee Lao what your heart made with? Ice berg? I have no ideas at all. I thought Love a person I do everything and try to close to her or put her at the first rank in your heart, and try did everything and listen to what  she want and try give her is enough but I am wrong. haha funny I am totally sick. Whatever I did she have no feeling at all. How great I fell now almost want kill myself. Joee Lao I know you din love me and you won't love me but I got the right to love you. Myself Chong Yin Tat is a selfish people I won't find others girl  and I won't share my love to them only you I want. I prefer like this because I don't want like you break other people heart but no feeling. Talking about selfish I think you more than me. Already 422 days we know each other, day by days I love you more and drop into your trap I do really Love you but you have no feeling at all to me. Haha until now I can't pull back myself insides the trap or I don't want to get out from the trap. Guys no matter what I fell now don't worried I won't go for suicide, and I know that you all always with me. Mummy don't worried your son will be ok, but I think I don't want search for any girls anymore because afraid they hurt myself and you only born me with one heart and she steal it already so won't found by the others girl. I just can said I was born to Love you Joee Lao even you won't accept me. Some more now I am like insides the photo just got the swing and we but the main female character won't be appear anymore so no one will I push, and finally I stay the place lonely waiting the miracle to appear in front of me waiting you walk back to me.

Lost

 

How you fell chong yin tat? nice right? one shot you skip 3 class. Sigh seriously what I am doing now I don't know. Sorry guys now I am like Titanic ship almost sink into the water already. My heart is empty again I lost but this time not in the dark world is underwater and I don't know how to swim to save myself. I really don't know why the god treat me like that let me meet you Joee Lao but there no any miracle appear in front of myself. Last week I really have a nice break at home thank you my mummy love you so much, and my beloved friends thank you four too for chit chat with me whole night. Sorry yea I don't know my license expired already still drive you all out. I am also want apologize that I am can't control myself and moody in front of you all. My mummy I know you worried about me and I know there still a lot of girls outsides but...and my friends also mei rong,wei hong, min jun, and yong choon i know that in the forest still have a lot of flowers I can pick but not the flower I love. Now I really don't know what can I do.So just let me alone and think myself and i promise I won't do stupid thing.

i can't take it anymore will be crazy soon

 

Home is the best place to hide and run away from problem this Friday I will go back sweet home find mummy. Dream paradise I miss her again and lost my time to sleep again. Seriously I can't take it anymore, I don't want my life like this. Who can help me? Sigh ....Almost a week already she didn't reply me, and already going far away from me. What wrong with me? What going on with me? I have no idea at all why I am doing all this. Why this all only happened to me? Who can tell me the answer? Who? Myself or her?

Joee what I am need to do can you tell me? I am gonna be crazy soon if I still living in this way. The time for rest I am awake and the time for study I am sleep. Almost die in your hand. I don't want like this, can I love you in proper way? Can you don't ignore me, Joee I am a human being born with feeling, with glasses heart, I will get hurt and the heart will broken into pieces. Can you don't treat me like that? Can you be fair to me? I think you will tell me NO. When will you tell me yes? I think that time won't be appear. Why I am exist in this world? Why I am need to be a disturber? Why my life can't like this paint? Just a normal and harmony life together with you and our family with friends? Sigh I am really a stupid that no one can teach good in myself already. Thank to the one who advice me. Thank you man kit and chin kok but the I am now can't control myself already don't know lost to some where else already. There no people able to find me back in a dark world. Love you Joee Lao suffer myself. Miss and Thinking of you show I am crazy, useless, weak. And there have no medicine to save myself just let the time pass and waiting for death.

Tired

 

Dream paradise I am really really tired already, love her making life dark. 

Joee my love I am sorry I think I am forcing you too much already.

I am really sad this few days i send you message but there no reply at all,

I always looking at my phone but I didn't succeed to get your reply.

Yesterday night kian yong got tell me a story and ask me let you go,but

hard for me to do it.

Please tell me what should I do? My heart really tired already, I can't

accept any pressure already.

Did you know that love you is hard? There uncountable time my heart

breaking and pain.

Did you know that my heart almost have no feeling already? Because

you take it but you not appreciate it.

Seriously I hope we didn't meet each other, so that i won't always

moody and crying insides my heart.

My heart not making from metal one,just like glasses when it drop

it broken into pieces .

Can you tell me the truth that what you fell to me? Did you thinking of me?

or you never think who i am?even don't want to know me at all?

I sorry I am make you fell annoyed and disturbing your life.But because i care

you,i love you so i find you but you know that how cruel you are?You always

cold to me.Did you really care my feeling?I think the answer is no.

Joee I just a new empty piece of paper from the beginning but you make the

whole paper full of dark and bad sad pain feeling into it.

A lot of friend ask me why I love you but now i don't know the answer already.

I thought I do really love you care you enough but everything go opposite.

I know may be I am not the first love to you but you are the first one to me,and 

I wish the last one to me,but from the situation now I don't think so will be 

like that.

Now I don't know what i need to do,this whole semester I skip a lot of class

think why you din love me,why and why until myself ignore my education.

You really good in breaking my heart,you know I will jealous but what you do,

always making me fell I never exist in your life or I shouldn't appear in your life.

Sometimes I do think better faster I done with my study here so that I won't meet

you anymore,I also think of taking advance diploma here,but now I wish i won't

back to kampar anymore,I just saw my pain.But I hope there a different.

I think you didn't trust me at all,no you never trust me.What I make you fell just 

annoying and there no others.haha how good I am for disturbing people's daughter.

I miss you and I love you Joee Lao.

A suck me

Did anyone out there believe that miracle will appear in front of us? In the past I will tell you all yes, but after what happened to me this fell days I am starting losing my confidential and I am tired in my love journey. I don’t why I will meet with you Joee Lao a girl that more complicated than me. You know how much I love you or not? My mind tell me that chong yin tat did you know how lucky you are can met with an angel? But I was wrong cause meeting with you what I get is just pain and moody in my dairy live. Joee Lao did you know that is luck that we can meet? Actually I am shouldn’t a TARCollege student, for the truth I am withdraw from the other college and come here that why I will called as late register student . But it was wrong timing for us to know each other. Until now I am already recognize you for 398 days that mean more than one year and 23880 hours and 1432800 minutes but what you tell me that you didn’t have feeling to me. You know why? Because you didn’t even trust me and give me a chance how you know me? How you will get feeling with me? Can you tell me? Is really unfair to me you know? No matter what I did for you, you didn’t see it. You know how pain and how sad I am? You don’t know at all. Cause you never look back at me. I didn’t ask to live insides your heart, I didn’t ask you to give me anything but can you look at me just for once? No matter what promise I said to you also useless because I can’t realize it without you. Here I also want say sorry and thank you to my close friend and my mummy; you all support me by mentally. Chia wei my close friend I am sorry that I lost my smile on my face and moody all the days, mummy I am sorry for not concentrate for my education, and thank you choon pei always advice me. Mummy I know I should leave her but I am always lost to her, once I am try to delete everything my hand shaking and my heart tell me I should wait for her, protect her. Joee I don’t know you will watch this page or not, but I want tell you no matter how complicated you are I will make you simple and normal, no matter what problem you have I will solve it, no matter how long time I need to take I will waste it for you, because what I know is I love you should go with you everything. I hope the miracle will appear in front of us; I will leave the forest and save you the beautiful flower. Feeling is empty one is whether you want to fill it or not. Do you understand?