missing you

I am making mistake and mistake in my life.I am going more far towards wrong journey.I am getting more and more frustrated.My heart keep bleeding and bleeding.How cruel you are,how cold blooded you are.What is my mistake can you tell me?Every night i am asking myself why i am love you why i will say i love you.why???i am cheating to myself smile to myself,what i am really doing every day is crying deep insides my heart.Why i am love you?Cause you nice prefect,friendly,pretty,lovely,kind,cute,weak,easy to get bully by people,stress,and a lot a lot appear in my heart,even my friends them will told me she pretty meh?not sexy at all too skinny and a lot just the face is better from other girl.But for me you ain't like that.I am...What can i do now?i can't stop without step out my feet.I am really really a loser in my life.Every time i am thinking about you every time i am miss you every time i am like want to killing myself to lost in this world but i cant so selfish my mum still need me my still got my family i can't just go like that.But there no one can understand me no one can help me.I am telling myself to out of your life out of you this evil girl that already control all my feeling control all my emotion.I am not the real me already i have to cheat my friends every days acting i am happy i am fine without you dont want they worried about me.But every second my mind will keep thinking of you.You think i am really study no i am wasn't my body is insides the class but my soul my spirit is go to you already.Why i have to facing all of this?why what mistake i am doing?Why who can tell me who can answering my questions?I am dont why i will like that.I am almost losing myself losing my soul.What should i do for the next?I am afraid my mum find out i am become like this.In the past my life very enjoyably every taking bag to school playing chit chating  with friends waiting the bell ring go back home sleep rest after that play badminton,basketball,volleyball just play.But now my life is just torment me.How can i go out from this difficulties?Who can teach me?Who can tell me.i am really dont want in this situation anymore.I even skipped class for with stupid reason that i am cant wake up,i am sick i am stomach. I know this is wrong but i still do it.Oh my god who can take me fly from here?please i am really want doing something that can make me out of sad.Man kit chan tong i am know i am a talkative guy but last night when we go westlake not i dont want talk is i am dont know how to cheer you guys anymore cause even i am doing a lot i cant make she accept me even i am appreciate her so much she no feeling at all.And this making my confidential lost to making you guys happy.I am speechless.I am miss you i am need you but what can i do can you please tell me?What the real reason?you keep escape me you keep answering me nonsense.Mum i am sorry you born a son and you own him but now you lost your son i am lost myself.I am very sorry to both of you.I am a very big mistake in both of your life mummy you shouldn't born me i wish sis was here still alive with our family then you no need to born me to disturbing people's daughter life.My heart a my heart can you stop??