the darkest evil in my heart

 

There always something evil human being afraid of it,so do I.

The darkest evil in my heart was myself.Why do i said so?

This is all because of my own actions. I always doing something that hurt 

myself. Friends always tell me i need to love myself before I love You but

the problem now is I thought i am loving you with my own ways and 

i keep on suffer everyday. No matter what people say to me I just in with

my right ear and come out again the the other side. What gonna happen to myself.

What I do is totally wrong or right? Should I continue with all those staff?

Who can reply me? Will you reply me? The reality is I never exist in your life and my own life

whatever I do you wont fell it,and you didnt have any express at all.

Is my fate to face all this kind of staff? That day someone tell me that

this kind of thing have no one right

that mean I have no wrong at all?That mean I can keep continue live in my own world with

dream about you Joee Lao will accept me some day? OR I should forget about this all?

I want return back myself to a joker, but can i really do it? Now i really afraid of the darkest

in  myself. I afraid whatever I do will hurt the people that surrounded by my side.

Do I still want to shout to all people that I LOVE you Joee Lao? Who can really answer my questions?

who can really save me from doing all those stupid things? Will I miss you and remember in my life?

Now my heart will keep saying yes but how about in my future? even after you get your marriage I still

live in my own world? even I die? Hopefully I will have my change for my own good.

God I wish and pray that you dont playing me around.I am okay with all those hard work or whatever will make me fall down to deep inside the earth but I cant accept she breaking my heart

like a shinning glass and then pretending nothing happen like I never exist in her life. I hope you stop

my suffer in my own love. I hope you destroy my memory about her from disappear in my life.

seriously I love you Joee Lao but I need to love myself also. I dont want after anything happen to myself I regret and make my beloved mummy cry.I want face my own evil and fight it so that there no more people

hurt because of my stupid actions.LOVE you in the same time equal to destroying myself so I want love you Joee Lao in the same time love myself no matter what you will forever in my heart become a sweet memory for myself cause my pain about you never lost in my mind. My own right or wrong let all the time decide for me and hopefully the time also will wake me up from my own world and save you the one I love from

keep disturbing by myself.

Dream Paradise Author- R.I.P?

 

Dream Paradise author already rest in peace? Yes he is already death. Really? Yup even he still alive but he is consider as death people already, the reason is his mind and heart already taken by a  girl and so even he still alive his life suck and fully control by the heart breaker. He is damn stupid that he know the little princess wont reply him, ignore him broke his heart but he still care of her worried about her, how stupid is he. So what will be your next move dream paradise?I will wait here until my creator come back to me like how he wait the little princess even he is gone i still will wait for him cause i will be like him no matter what happened to himself his heart his soul still with the little princess. can you dont be that stupid?can you go out from your own world?My answer is cannot cause i havent saw my creator life full of happiness just like even he is death but his soul still around the girl protect her and only will leave when she gain her happiness and being protective by someone she love.Then you really should rest in peace with your creator dream paradise.I am really lost my life already. everything about her i will worried and concentrate but she not even realize that vincent chong exist in her life or she never know her life had someone is gone and lost in the other world already.

my felling now

Sigh Yesterday I lost control again and send a suck message to the little princess. This few days I keep thinking nonsense and moody, don’t know what myself want at all. I miss her everyday and moody every days. What wrong with me? Is true that my heart already broken but not gone still there with you Joee Lao. This passing few days I just fell like want to scream and make myself tired so that I can sleep but I didn’t do it. What can I do or what I need to do only can forget about you, Joee Lao? I have no idea at all. The word “LOVE” for every couple is sweet memory but it a nightmare for me. I am always awake and I always down because of you, and this few days I even want to cry in the mid night but I tell myself I need to be tough. I am asking myself again what wrong with you, like your friends said there a lot of flowers in the big big forest, she just one of it why can’t you chase for others? Sigh again I answer myself because I LOVE her, I was born to love her; so what can I do? No matter how many times she hurt me it ok for me, no matter how many times I fall down I still will stand up and chasing her. Actually I know I am not your prince but too long journey I go through and I fall deeply underwater searching for you, that why I am hard or don’t want to pull back myself. How useless I am my life without you suck, I keep skip class for no reason; even asking myself you won’t love me is really because of feeling or your second prince already appear in your life? There no direction for me to going on already. I didn’t plan to continue any step already just stop here sleep on the road and let the rain fall down on myself. I WANT TO SHOUT TO THE GOD HOW TO MAKE YOU LOVE ME? How? I think I am almost entering the mental hospital already. I really tired already need a bed to rest, I want go home to chat with mummy. What I need to do only can get your love? I am really missing you and I really love you, but you can’t understand or you won’t understand what I am felt. Joee Lao I want you know that once I am Chong Yin Tat LOVE you Joee Lao there won’t have other girls in my life. Only you I wait, only you I will LOVE.

Lonely

 

Dream paradise am I stupid? if not why I still moody because of her while in the forest still got a lot of pretty flowers I can pick? Damn today skip 3 class and 4 times already I think I will get love letter from 3 lecturers. Chong Yin Tat what happened to you? why you will die in the little princess hand? Why? even you know that is impossible for you to get back her love. Joee Lao I already out of my mind what can I do to LOVE you. whatever I do you have no feeling at all.Thank you Mr tommy for telling my blog is touching but I am not happy for that because whatever I do, whatever I fell, even I drop my tears for her, the little princess won't exist in this blog. I always ask myself Joee Lao what your heart made with? Ice berg? I have no ideas at all. I thought Love a person I do everything and try to close to her or put her at the first rank in your heart, and try did everything and listen to what  she want and try give her is enough but I am wrong. haha funny I am totally sick. Whatever I did she have no feeling at all. How great I fell now almost want kill myself. Joee Lao I know you din love me and you won't love me but I got the right to love you. Myself Chong Yin Tat is a selfish people I won't find others girl  and I won't share my love to them only you I want. I prefer like this because I don't want like you break other people heart but no feeling. Talking about selfish I think you more than me. Already 422 days we know each other, day by days I love you more and drop into your trap I do really Love you but you have no feeling at all to me. Haha until now I can't pull back myself insides the trap or I don't want to get out from the trap. Guys no matter what I fell now don't worried I won't go for suicide, and I know that you all always with me. Mummy don't worried your son will be ok, but I think I don't want search for any girls anymore because afraid they hurt myself and you only born me with one heart and she steal it already so won't found by the others girl. I just can said I was born to Love you Joee Lao even you won't accept me. Some more now I am like insides the photo just got the swing and we but the main female character won't be appear anymore so no one will I push, and finally I stay the place lonely waiting the miracle to appear in front of me waiting you walk back to me.

Lost

 

How you fell chong yin tat? nice right? one shot you skip 3 class. Sigh seriously what I am doing now I don't know. Sorry guys now I am like Titanic ship almost sink into the water already. My heart is empty again I lost but this time not in the dark world is underwater and I don't know how to swim to save myself. I really don't know why the god treat me like that let me meet you Joee Lao but there no any miracle appear in front of myself. Last week I really have a nice break at home thank you my mummy love you so much, and my beloved friends thank you four too for chit chat with me whole night. Sorry yea I don't know my license expired already still drive you all out. I am also want apologize that I am can't control myself and moody in front of you all. My mummy I know you worried about me and I know there still a lot of girls outsides but...and my friends also mei rong,wei hong, min jun, and yong choon i know that in the forest still have a lot of flowers I can pick but not the flower I love. Now I really don't know what can I do.So just let me alone and think myself and i promise I won't do stupid thing.

i can't take it anymore will be crazy soon

 

Home is the best place to hide and run away from problem this Friday I will go back sweet home find mummy. Dream paradise I miss her again and lost my time to sleep again. Seriously I can't take it anymore, I don't want my life like this. Who can help me? Sigh ....Almost a week already she didn't reply me, and already going far away from me. What wrong with me? What going on with me? I have no idea at all why I am doing all this. Why this all only happened to me? Who can tell me the answer? Who? Myself or her?

Joee what I am need to do can you tell me? I am gonna be crazy soon if I still living in this way. The time for rest I am awake and the time for study I am sleep. Almost die in your hand. I don't want like this, can I love you in proper way? Can you don't ignore me, Joee I am a human being born with feeling, with glasses heart, I will get hurt and the heart will broken into pieces. Can you don't treat me like that? Can you be fair to me? I think you will tell me NO. When will you tell me yes? I think that time won't be appear. Why I am exist in this world? Why I am need to be a disturber? Why my life can't like this paint? Just a normal and harmony life together with you and our family with friends? Sigh I am really a stupid that no one can teach good in myself already. Thank to the one who advice me. Thank you man kit and chin kok but the I am now can't control myself already don't know lost to some where else already. There no people able to find me back in a dark world. Love you Joee Lao suffer myself. Miss and Thinking of you show I am crazy, useless, weak. And there have no medicine to save myself just let the time pass and waiting for death.

Tired

 

Dream paradise I am really really tired already, love her making life dark. 

Joee my love I am sorry I think I am forcing you too much already.

I am really sad this few days i send you message but there no reply at all,

I always looking at my phone but I didn't succeed to get your reply.

Yesterday night kian yong got tell me a story and ask me let you go,but

hard for me to do it.

Please tell me what should I do? My heart really tired already, I can't

accept any pressure already.

Did you know that love you is hard? There uncountable time my heart

breaking and pain.

Did you know that my heart almost have no feeling already? Because

you take it but you not appreciate it.

Seriously I hope we didn't meet each other, so that i won't always

moody and crying insides my heart.

My heart not making from metal one,just like glasses when it drop

it broken into pieces .

Can you tell me the truth that what you fell to me? Did you thinking of me?

or you never think who i am?even don't want to know me at all?

I sorry I am make you fell annoyed and disturbing your life.But because i care

you,i love you so i find you but you know that how cruel you are?You always

cold to me.Did you really care my feeling?I think the answer is no.

Joee I just a new empty piece of paper from the beginning but you make the

whole paper full of dark and bad sad pain feeling into it.

A lot of friend ask me why I love you but now i don't know the answer already.

I thought I do really love you care you enough but everything go opposite.

I know may be I am not the first love to you but you are the first one to me,and 

I wish the last one to me,but from the situation now I don't think so will be 

like that.

Now I don't know what i need to do,this whole semester I skip a lot of class

think why you din love me,why and why until myself ignore my education.

You really good in breaking my heart,you know I will jealous but what you do,

always making me fell I never exist in your life or I shouldn't appear in your life.

Sometimes I do think better faster I done with my study here so that I won't meet

you anymore,I also think of taking advance diploma here,but now I wish i won't

back to kampar anymore,I just saw my pain.But I hope there a different.

I think you didn't trust me at all,no you never trust me.What I make you fell just 

annoying and there no others.haha how good I am for disturbing people's daughter.

I miss you and I love you Joee Lao.

A suck me

Did anyone out there believe that miracle will appear in front of us? In the past I will tell you all yes, but after what happened to me this fell days I am starting losing my confidential and I am tired in my love journey. I don’t why I will meet with you Joee Lao a girl that more complicated than me. You know how much I love you or not? My mind tell me that chong yin tat did you know how lucky you are can met with an angel? But I was wrong cause meeting with you what I get is just pain and moody in my dairy live. Joee Lao did you know that is luck that we can meet? Actually I am shouldn’t a TARCollege student, for the truth I am withdraw from the other college and come here that why I will called as late register student . But it was wrong timing for us to know each other. Until now I am already recognize you for 398 days that mean more than one year and 23880 hours and 1432800 minutes but what you tell me that you didn’t have feeling to me. You know why? Because you didn’t even trust me and give me a chance how you know me? How you will get feeling with me? Can you tell me? Is really unfair to me you know? No matter what I did for you, you didn’t see it. You know how pain and how sad I am? You don’t know at all. Cause you never look back at me. I didn’t ask to live insides your heart, I didn’t ask you to give me anything but can you look at me just for once? No matter what promise I said to you also useless because I can’t realize it without you. Here I also want say sorry and thank you to my close friend and my mummy; you all support me by mentally. Chia wei my close friend I am sorry that I lost my smile on my face and moody all the days, mummy I am sorry for not concentrate for my education, and thank you choon pei always advice me. Mummy I know I should leave her but I am always lost to her, once I am try to delete everything my hand shaking and my heart tell me I should wait for her, protect her. Joee I don’t know you will watch this page or not, but I want tell you no matter how complicated you are I will make you simple and normal, no matter what problem you have I will solve it, no matter how long time I need to take I will waste it for you, because what I know is I love you should go with you everything. I hope the miracle will appear in front of us; I will leave the forest and save you the beautiful flower. Feeling is empty one is whether you want to fill it or not. Do you understand?

Heart bleeding

Dream paradise one more night i cant sleep because of her. I saw something on her facebook yesterday night and after that i am starting emo, why? Why so effectiveness to me? Once again i don’t know why but my heart now does really fell. Why she can go out with the other guys she and so friendly with them and doing a lot with them but not me. Why can’t she give me a chance i know i saying that i just want that she is safe and happy in her life, but this one really making me fell a lot. I know there no topic even i go out with you, but i really wish to out with you. Why the other can go out with you but there a no for me? Is that my problem or what? Can you tell me? I really want the answer from you? Or may be  the problem on myself, cause i am not belong to here?or i am not like the others that born at Ipoh ? Why? Or others? My heart now fully pain.Why the God treat me like this?why send me to this world?why i must meet her?Why she wont look at me even once?i am fat? or anything?i really need the answers.Can you tell me?dream paradise should i close this blog?should i delete everything?she fell nothing and nice sleep right now but me?i am suffer for her.The god was unfair to me.or she treat me unfair?or because i am not know her at all.everyone tell me to observe with my eyes but unfortunately i was blind i not taught love is difficult but to forget love are the most hard.I am taught i am not watching other girl is normal i taught not talking about girl like man kit them is normal but i was abnormal,why i am damn stupid only can focus on her?even a girl pass is pretty is fell nothing cause i know i love her, i am totally useless.I was wish to die at this movement.I was wish to get your love.i wish to close to you, know you, doing everything with you.But…. i know i shouldn't like this.I shouldn't force you to love me.while i am writing this the rain drop from the sky and the god cry with me.I hope after this i will not cry any more.no matter through eyes or deeply insides my heart.haiz no matter what problem you have or I have I will still waiting for you even you fall in love for someone in future,cause love should be wait should be trust no matter what situation.I hope there a miracle will appear in front of my eyes.I LOVE YOU JOEE LAO.

you making me cry insides my heart

 

Dream paradise Joee lao really good,once again she make me moody once again she make me cry insides my heart.Last time i was hope to get away from her, stay far away from her, stop disturbing her or stop annoying her but I am useless i afraid of loosing her,i am afraid that i cant meet her anymore,i worried my days without her,what will i be?And there something happened last week i though i will be happy but i am doing more stupid thing go disturb chris tang.Stop it i dont want remind it anymore.what i face now is i dont know what can i do to her and myself.I really dislike to saw that she is moody sad,cause i am facing the same.I dont know what can i do to make her happy.i saying that i love her but i cant even make her life out of moody,how dare i said i love her.But i want to tell you that no matter what happened you still have me,anything you can find me,need a shoulder to cry you can have mine one.I know you have no feeling to me but i will waiting for you.I just hope that you can remember and look at me even just one time is already enough for me.I had had one heart so i will just have one love.And my heart only belong to you,you have it for your whole life.There no one can take my heart from you.

Something i wish to tell you

 Love life is full of frustrated one.May be is luck that we meet in billion of people but there also bad luck,do you know why?because wrong timing we meet that person or their heart already owned by someone else.And there

Heart

Dream paradise i got a weird feeling but dont know how to express it. And dont know why this two days while i looking to someone or something suddenly my view blur,what will happened to me you know?I just hope i am fine cause i am really go through tired week have to solo the assignment and chan tong i am sorry i know you want help me but never mind lar got me finish it,and i am sorry may be i am tired so is hard to control my feeling.And Joee Lao i know that you also tired and facing a lot yourself,but like i said i will always be there for you and try have a see to the human being body parts,there only one heart for each human being,you can choose to not love me,but i want to tell you no matter what i LOVE you,and dont always tell me that i will get a better girl in the future,cause there wont have ok?even one.Did you know why?yea i know i am not the one insides your heart but you insides my heart or more correctly my heart belong to you and only for you.Cause i am also just a normal human being only born with one heart.And it already falling in LOVE to you and it also only for you.I dont know about others guy but for me there only one and forever once is enough.This heart is only for you this life if mine,even you wont accept my love is ok for me,and i am happy that you still take me as friend,for me is already enough,i am love you not want you to belong to me just i want you to know that no matter what there still have someone waiting for you ok?i always and only be there  for you.And you cant even succeed changing my mind.One more is i never regret to tell you that I AM CHONG YIN TAT ONLY LOVE YOU JOEE LAO FOREVER AND EVER.刘宝（  ）我钟营达只爱你一个，心里也只回有你的存在，没有第二个。我爱你一生一世。

i love you - charice

I opened my mouth
it all rushed out spoken
though I never meant you to know it

I lost all of myself and got held in the moment
without even knowing

I stopped and got lost in my mind
I never felt so unraveled in my whole life


(chorus)
I said I love you, I love you, I love you
but now I'll regret it
I said I love you, I love you, I love you
but I'm sorry I said it

but what's done is done
I can't undo what's done
Don't wanna hurt this thing we've just begun
I know I've said it
but can we forget this?


I caught myself that I'm scared that we're broken
though you never do see it coming

and I don't know what, why or how our hearts are

hoping
my feelings are showing

I stopped and got lost in your eyes
I never thought you could make me so alive

http://www.elyricsworld.com/i_love_you_lyrics_charice.html

(chorus)
I said I love you, I love you, I love you
but now I'll regret it
I said I love you, I love you, I love you
but I'm sorry I said it

but what's done is done
I can't undo what's done
Don't wanna hurt this thing we've just begun
I know I've said it
but can we forget this?


(bridge)
Now I'm hoping your heart's open
words unfolded
Now you know and

I couldn't hold it all inside
Push it back in to rewind
Now my secret is spoken...

(chorus 2x)

I love you and now I regret it
I love you I'm sorry I said it
2x

bad feeling suddenly

Bad,dont know what happened to me today,so far everything go on well, but i fell unsatisfied with all of it.May be moody or what.i have no idea at all.At my education i am starting regret,i am starting fell unwell to my past stupid action.why i am never serious on it?why?no matter what the reason is all my fault.And i got one idea from kian yong when he making fun with me,that i am shouldn't give up right now,yes being is dentist is great for a son to my dad,but is already a reality that i am withdraw and coming to TARC.I am should not think much and must start hardworking on my education.And thank you kian yong you awake me that still got one thing i shouldn't give up that was my love to her.Is truth that i am lucky cause in a million or billion of people i am manage to meet her at here.Joee Lao you are really my lucky angel.you do awake me in many ways.You able to awake me for not sleeping in my world,you awake me that i should find back my dream,and so on.Dont know why today watching your face i got a new feeling,it was weird and i dont know how to explain.But strongly i want to let you know that i LOVE you and miss you very much.One more which i really know was my love to you,Joee Lao is forever,no matter what time is it,i telling you that i am trying to not loving you or what,is hard for me to make it.I does miss you every day,i does thinking of you every day.cause i know that i need you even you doesn't need me at all.I was wish you carry you at my back but no matter what i fell now i promise myself i wont get problem to you,so dont worry.Mummy i am sorry that i am not a good son for you,i never  trying hard on my education at all in the past,i am not a dentist or a doctor like every parents wish.i am sorry,but i promise you i wont let your life disaster,i will try my best try all of my love to you,your life will be colorful i promise.And Joee thank you for let me meet you.I LOVE you forever even a joker will sad,i still will continue love you Joee Lao,cause myself know that you importance to myself.I love both of you.^^

You'll Never Stand Alone Charice lyrics

Hope ????

 

There a time i am happy but there also some timing i am sad.Most of time i am sad because of love but yesterday i am sad not because of it,cause i can't the answer the question i am thinking about.Yesterday i am thinking that why i am was born,to making my parents hope realize or like the public think that i am born with carriage the responsibility by GOD.But i can't get the answer at all.And sometimes people tell me that this world is full of hope,but i just hear it through my left ear and out through my right ear.I am a freak human being i think cause sometimes i am believe about luck,and most of all i am think that the rich and poor of human being is the hardworking,confidential,aim,dream and others that making a people succeed.But this kind of opinion in myself .But no matter what i did for the coming next,for sure i won't give up.Although i am already tired with all of this but i will try my best for the in every part of my life like my family,friends,love,study or other,cause one of my teacher in the past told me that this world is amazing ,everyone is born with different magic on their own to survive in this world.Thank you cikgu shikin you taught me a lot.And i want tell someone out there thank you and i love both of you.Because of you two i am dont want to give up because of you two i want to succeed in my life.I miss and love both you very much my mummy and you Joee Lao.